I couldn't wait until my neighbors returned from their ski trip. This fish had to go. Every night I would destroy his nests of dominance and, sure enough, every morning they would be back, stronger than ever. I wanted to cut him off completely--hide his food, drain his home of water, and watch him die in the bubble nests he has mocked me with. But that is a little too barbaric for my tastes and my neighbors would never forgive me.
I learned to keep my distance from Atticus, nothing good could come out of me getting to know him any better. I still did not know what those nests were for and I did not want to find out. It was about this time that I began to miss Tea Kettle and my old friends. Sure they had their flaws, but they were not actively plotting something evil. They had turned their backs on me. They saw how excited I got when the fish showed up; they abandoned me. Now that Atticus turned out to be evil, I have no one to fall back on...no one.
KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK
Could it be?! Yes it was! My neighbors. They returned. As they interviewed me on the events of the weekend, I maintained a straight face and nodded yes to everything. "Reveal nothing to them," I thought to myself. They exited my apartment and my problems were solved. For a brief moment I thought about warning them, but it was their fault and it's their problem now.
I haven't heard from them in a couple of days now and their apartment is leaking water. Goes to show you, don't trust a fucking fish.
Monday, February 16, 2015
Monday, February 9, 2015
Atticus the Fish
Aquinas 208, my place of dwelling, had been missing something recently. 4 guys living in a small Loyola apartment does not sound like an atmosphere that breeds loneliness, but you'd be surprised. I am usually home alone here so I decided to befriend the objects of the room to fill the void in my life.
Human beings are incredible creatures. We landed on the moon, we cure diseases....we truly are capable of great things. Yet here I sit talking to a football, eating dinner with a tea kettle, and crying in the shower with a variety pack of Crayola markers.....I mean singing in the shower.
Thursday had been a tough day, the football was becoming a bit of a nuisance; I think he might even be a racist. Tea Kettle was busy boiling water or something, I think she might be cheating on me with the coffee mug, but I cannot be sure. He's always like, "Hey you boil water so good." And she's always like, "you're so good at holding my boiling water." Im not sure if I should read too much into that. And the markers, well, let's not go there. KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK. My silence was broken by a knock at the door. I opened the door to find my two neighbors holding a huge margarita glass with a fish in it. Long story short, they asked if we could babysit their fish, Atticus Finch, for the weekend while they went skiing. I joyously accepted the offer.
A new friend.
Atticus is a male Betta fish. He seemed harmless. He didn't do much, swam slowly, displayed his fins from time to time. Nothing he did prepared me for his actual motives.
Everything started out normal. I greeted Atticus ever morning with a hello and five pebbles of fish food. He greeted me with his burp bubbles. He would go to the surface, look me in the eyes, and burp a bubble to the surface. I could sense a real bromance brewing between man and fish. Gone was the feud between fish and man that had been established long before the first fishing pole was invented. Each day the routine continued--more hellos and more bubbles.
I noticed something wrong when the bubbles were not going away. There was probably about 20 of them and they were not disappearing. Everyday more and more of these weird bubbles. I did not want to mess with them either. Remember when someone would pop your bubblegum bubble when you were a kid? Remember how pissed you were? Well now imagine being a fish, swimming in a Margarita glass. All you have to live for are these bubbles. I let him live.
By Saturday morning I noticed something strange about the bubbles. They were forming into words. HE WAS BECOMING SELF-AWARE. What in the holy hell was happening?! This fish went from a peaceful bubble blower to a maniac water creature spelling "Kill" with burp bubbles. I began frantically googling everything and anything about Betta fishes to see if these bubbles were legit. Turns out there is some truth to the bubbles.
Male Betta fishes create something called bubble nests when they are ready to mate. Ready to mate? I hate to break it to you man, but there are no female fishes in sight...Unless he is trying to tell me something. Maybe I am not his friend, maybe he wants to mate with me. Or maybe he is trying to tell me that my female neighbors are his territory.
To be continued...
Human beings are incredible creatures. We landed on the moon, we cure diseases....we truly are capable of great things. Yet here I sit talking to a football, eating dinner with a tea kettle, and crying in the shower with a variety pack of Crayola markers.....I mean singing in the shower.
Thursday had been a tough day, the football was becoming a bit of a nuisance; I think he might even be a racist. Tea Kettle was busy boiling water or something, I think she might be cheating on me with the coffee mug, but I cannot be sure. He's always like, "Hey you boil water so good." And she's always like, "you're so good at holding my boiling water." Im not sure if I should read too much into that. And the markers, well, let's not go there. KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK. My silence was broken by a knock at the door. I opened the door to find my two neighbors holding a huge margarita glass with a fish in it. Long story short, they asked if we could babysit their fish, Atticus Finch, for the weekend while they went skiing. I joyously accepted the offer.
A new friend.
Atticus is a male Betta fish. He seemed harmless. He didn't do much, swam slowly, displayed his fins from time to time. Nothing he did prepared me for his actual motives.
Everything started out normal. I greeted Atticus ever morning with a hello and five pebbles of fish food. He greeted me with his burp bubbles. He would go to the surface, look me in the eyes, and burp a bubble to the surface. I could sense a real bromance brewing between man and fish. Gone was the feud between fish and man that had been established long before the first fishing pole was invented. Each day the routine continued--more hellos and more bubbles.
I noticed something wrong when the bubbles were not going away. There was probably about 20 of them and they were not disappearing. Everyday more and more of these weird bubbles. I did not want to mess with them either. Remember when someone would pop your bubblegum bubble when you were a kid? Remember how pissed you were? Well now imagine being a fish, swimming in a Margarita glass. All you have to live for are these bubbles. I let him live.
By Saturday morning I noticed something strange about the bubbles. They were forming into words. HE WAS BECOMING SELF-AWARE. What in the holy hell was happening?! This fish went from a peaceful bubble blower to a maniac water creature spelling "Kill" with burp bubbles. I began frantically googling everything and anything about Betta fishes to see if these bubbles were legit. Turns out there is some truth to the bubbles.
Male Betta fishes create something called bubble nests when they are ready to mate. Ready to mate? I hate to break it to you man, but there are no female fishes in sight...Unless he is trying to tell me something. Maybe I am not his friend, maybe he wants to mate with me. Or maybe he is trying to tell me that my female neighbors are his territory.
To be continued...
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)