Dry Salad

Good god what did I witness today. It is such a strange coincidence that this post is following the Hidden Valley Slayer story. Yea you guessed it, this will be about salad. Who doesn't like salad. With a couple of good toppings and a bomb dressing, a salad can easily become a meal. Well...in most cases it can. One case it cannot. And that ladies and gentleman is what I witnessed today. As I sat and ate my lunch, my eyes locked with a lass by the name if Christine. What was she eating? A salad? What kind of toppings, oh just some shredded carrots, some beans, a walnut here and there. And the dressing? Nothing. As we continued to cha........wait what. Back track. Holy mother of the Roman Empire. Salad...yes. Toppings...check. Dressing....Holy nope!

It takes a real sicko to eat a salad without dressing. That is basically the equivalent of being a rabbit or a gerbil. You are a rodent Christine. How dry can one person's mouth be after eating leafy greens and nuts without some moisture. Like how? As I stared in disbelief I began openly criticizing her in front of her peers to show my disgust. Imagine just walking into the woods and picking up some oak leaves and acorns and just popping them in your mouth because that is essentially the equivalent.

There was a weird tint in her eye that caught my attention however. Like a glint, a sparkle, a shine. I began to think about that deceased ranch packet. The packet that never got to do its job. And then it hit me. She? Could it be? No....maybe? As I quarreled with my thoughts she began to glare into my soul. Chew after chew became more vicious. I could hear each crunch because remember salads are dry without some sauce. I think she was on to me. As I began to open my mouth to accuse, she flicked a walnut at my eye and emptied the contents of her salad bowl upon my friend Julia's laptop. Luckily the laptop survived because there was no dressing to damage it. The Hidden Valley Slayer sprung from the table like a gremlin and sprinted to the door. Salad was everywhere--dry salad.

Only the Hidden Valley Slayer would eat a meal in a such a savage way. How naive I was...


Remember those we lost in 2015. RIP Ranch